Monday, March 31, 2008
On Friday evening my mom passed away from Renal cancer. It was a long hard battle, she was determined to never give into it or let it get in the way of living life to the fullest. I remember as a kid worrying about the day my mom and dad would pass away and how I was ever going to be able to deal with it, I was hoping I would be at least in my 70's when it happened because I thought I might be old enough to handle it by then, I imagined that they were around 100 years
old when it happened. Unfortunately, I don't think your ever old enough to handle it, but I know that it was too soon.
My mom and me are a lot alike, we both don't like to cry because it gives us a headache, but mostly because we don't like to make others feel sad or uncomfortable so we cry when we are alone. I call my mom atleast three times a week and we talk about our crazy dreams, what is going on in our lives and we laugh a lot, I am going to miss her so much I want to pick up the phone and call her right now because I know she would make me feel better. We both love music, she would play the piano and I would sing for hours, we both love southern gospel music. We also love to do anything crafty, I taught myself to crochet when I was a kid and then taught my mom and she has made a zillion crocheted things since. She taught me to sew when I was young, she made all of my clothes until I was in Junior High. My mom was the best artist, that is something I didn't inherit from her, I am not very good at drawing.
I couldn't have asked for a better mother, my friends use to say, "Your mom is so nice", and I had to agree, she was the perfect mom, she always said that she raised all four of us like only children and that was so true. I think she dressed me until I was 12 and ran my bath water for me until I was in Junior High as well. I remember the time that on St. Patrick's day she put green food coloring in my milk that was in my thermos for school, I think I was in the fourth grade, I was laughing so loud when I went to pour my milk at lunch time, I knew she was at home watching the clock and waiting for me to discover it. Another time she crocheted these Oreo cookies and put them in my lunch sack on April fool's day when I was in beauty school, it was soooo funny. She had the most incredible sense of humor and wit.
I got a call from one of my mom's best friends the day after she died and she was talking about how proud she was of us and how wonderful she was and just then while I was looking at my computer screen my mom's picture popped up on my screen saver, it was a picture of her when she was visiting here and she had come to see where I worked and I was pretending to do an eye exam on her so I had this light shining in her eyes and she had her eyes really wide open and although it was a funny picture it is just so hard to look at. I am going to have a headache now. I am trying so hard to stuff all of the emotions down but they just keep coming out in waves, one minute I am numb, the next it is all right on the surface. I know in time that it will get easier, but I also know that anytime you lose someone close to you that you lose a little of yourself and you are never the same, I miss my sister just as much today as I did the day she died and I want to call her too.
I made a decision not to fly to Alabama right away, my dad didn't want anyone to come down right now but my brother and two nieces decided to go down anyway and I am glad they did, but I think I will come down after a month or so when everyone else gets back to their lives and I think my dad and brother will need me then more than now.
I am staying busy to keep my mind off of things, and although people might think it is not a good idea to avoid or deny my grief, I have to do it my own way, I can only take the reality of it all in short doses, then I have to busy myself, I will be fine. Somehow I have managed to finish all of my wiring in my kitchen remodel and we have started to put the drywall back up, I am so grateful that I have this project right now, it is keeping me from dwelling on the negative.
I feel so fortunate to have gotten to visit her earlier in the month, although she was tired and weak, we were able to go out to lunch almost every day, we even went shopping one day and we sat and talked and talked like always. When I left to go home and gave her the last hug, I knew I wouldn't see her again, and it was hard to keep it together, but being strong was something else I inherited from her. I also talked to her the day before she went into the hospital and I kind of knew that was the last time I was going to hear her voice, I have always had a spiritual connection with her, my asthma has been its worst the whole week before she died, I could feel that something was wrong, my dad called me at work at about noon on friday and said they had removed the breating tube and she had passed, I was devastated, but I didn't feel she was gone yet, I thought I was just in denial, then when I got home the hospital called and said she hadn't passed, that they were mistaken, she was breathing on her own and responding to my dad's voice, I can't even describe what emotions where going on in my head when I heard that. I did know that
it was still just a matter of time and later in the evening she did pass, my heart
was palpatating and my asthma was getting worse all evening and all of a sudden I felt better, about an hour later my dad called and said that she was gone. I don't
typically believe in that sort of thing, I am a huge skeptic, but all my life I could
feel her presence. I now feel empty. I am going to miss her so much!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Actually, the plumbing is replaced with new shiny copper pipes, no more galvanized pipes except for the drain pipes. I got some of the electrical work done while the plumber was plumbing, I put in six new GFCI outlets, we use to have only two. I spent most of the time taking out the old wiring and the rest of the drywall. Once the wiring is done then onto drywalling, whoo hoo! No more destruction, it's all construction from here on out, well except for the bathroom, but that's another project. Craig got the pocket door sanded and stained today so we can put it back in the pocket soon. I didn't mention in my last blog that the reason I ended up pulling all of the drywall out was partially because I discovered that there is no insulation in the exterior wall so we will put some in before we seal it back up.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
It's getting uglier by the minute, I spent all day Saturday pulling out drywall. Craig and I went to the dump twice, he managed to get the lawn mowed while I kept pulling out drywall. We removed the partial wall and now I have our light switch dangling from the ceiling.We had to put a big piece of cardboard over the back wall because it had huge holes that went to the crawlspace under the house and the entire area where the tub is on the other side of the wall is open and we didn't want the cats back there. It was pretty scary taking out the drywall in that area because I wasn't sure what I would find back there, well, it wasn't pretty. We knew that in the past we could hear mice or rats in that wall and on a few occaisions we could smell a dead one so now we know why and how they got in there. We are going to plug up every hole in there and seal it tight before we put the drywall back up.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Well, I got a wild hair to put in a pocket door to replace my ugly bi-fold doors on my craft room. Craig was busy tearing out the kitchen and dining room floor, and I was just about to start painting again when I got this idea. I never liked my bi-fold doors and I thought, what the heck, the house is already a wreck so why not. So I headed off to Lowe's and bought my pocket door and went to work tearing out drywall. I had to carefully cut out the studs as not to disturb the drywall on the other side and then I put in a header across the top.Craig was still working on the floor, and as you can see by the picture, it was quite a project.
Here it is in the pocket, pretty cool huh? Of course once the drywall is back up you won't be able to see it anymore.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
I thought I should put a couple of before pictures on here so you can see the progress from start to finish. I guess I could have cleaned up a little before taking these pictures, but oh well, you get the idea. I put our old cabinets out by the street hoping someone would take them and last time I looked out there it looked like about half were gone. We will continue to rip up the old floor tomorrow and tear out the partial wall by the fridge and who knows what else we'll get done, but I'm sure it will get blogged.
Today was tear out the kitchen day. So that's what we did. It's scary to see what is behind and under your cabinets and appliances. At one point I wanted to just move out, or at least run out, but I hung in there and we are working on getting at least two of the layers of floor up, we decided that we shouldn't mess with the bottom layer because it probably contains asbestos. The fridge is now in my craft room along with four large boxes of our food, we will have to survive with this make-shift kitchen for awhile, I foresee many meals out.You can see in this picture below, my temporary wiring for the new canned lights in the living room. That wall is being moved out about a foot so I will put the switch in there permanently when we get the wall moved.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I forgot to say on my last blog that we started our remodel on Wednesday night, on Thursday is when I finished getting the carpet out and on Friday night after work I pulled all of the trim off from the doors. Then Saturday was painting and floor day. On Sunday I got the trim on the garage door and the front door and most of the baseboards down in the front room and put the furniture back in somewhat the right places. The fish tank will go back in after we are pretty much done with everything.We are going to put crown molding up all throughout the living room, dining room and kitchen. Again, you can see Craig working away on the kitchen drawings.
Well, we have started the remodeling projects. Carina and I started by pulling out the carpet to reveal the lovely hardwood floor underneath.As you can see, the floor underneath was in bad shape. I had to shuffle the furniture around to get all of the carpet out.